Abraham Lincoln and Anger Management

Our 16th President knew the secret to controlling his anger.

I attended a Christian Liberal Arts college right out of high school. One thing that took some getting used to was having three other roommates and three floors of other guys. And where college-age guys are gathered, there is usually some conflict and unresolved anger.

One dorm mate, in particular, had obvious anger issues. He was so jacked up and anxious that he was constantly downing entire bottles of Maalox. One day he came into my dorm room and asked if I could take him to the hospital because he thought he had broken his hand. I agreed. As we were heading that way, I asked him what happened. I don’t remember the cause of his angry outburst, but something had tweaked him, which resulted in him punching a solid wood door. The door was unforgiving but his hand, not so much. He broke it in several places.

I don’t want to be too critical because I’ve had more than my share of angry verbal outbursts. Oh, I justified it pretty well over the years too. After all, I was “telling the truth.” And if people didn’t like it, it was their problem! I also told myself that, by giving full vent to said anger, I wouldn’t wind up like those poor souls who “kept everything in” and weren’t courageous enough to take a stand. You know, the more cowardly among us? Or so I thought. Even now, as I write those words, it turns my stomach a bit.

Don’t get me wrong. There is a time and place for anger. It’s just not most of the time and in most places! But that seems to be the case these days with our ability to communicate with the other side of the world in a nanosecond. Just flip on the news or log into social media, and you’ll see one angry outburst after another.

While expressing anger seems more prevalent, it’s not a new problem. Recently, while listening to a podcast, Ryan Holiday talked about the Lincoln Letters. Further research revealed that Lincoln referred to these as “hot letters.” As the story goes, whenever our 16th President was angry, he would pen a letter directed at the other person. He would write whatever came to mind, no matter how vitriolic, and then put it aside to allow a cooling-off period. Then he would proceed not to sign or even send it!

Lincoln wasn’t the only one who used the unsent angry letter. Many have done so, from World Leaders to people like  Mark Twain. Writing hot letters, as President Lincoln called them, is cathartic and allows one to get their jumbled thoughts and jagged emotions out on paper. It enables a person to gain a different perspective and take a step back so they can see more clearly, allowing a cooler head to prevail.

One Solomonic proverb from the Hebrew Scriptures puts it this way, “A fool lets it all hang out; a sage quietly mulls it over.” (Proverbs 29:11, The Msg.) Writing unsent letters when we’re angry or need to work through some other intense emotions allows us to “let it all hang out (and) quietly mull it over” simultaneously. While it’s true that “some things are better left unsaid,” now you can say them and leave them unsent. Author Julia Cameron said, “Writing rights things.” That includes our anger. The choice to be a fool or a sage is up to us.