Got Guilt? Here Are 8 Questions To Know If It's Real

Determining whether you are dealing with real or false guilt can be tricky. Here's help.

Guilt. We all deal with it at one time or another. However, for some it becomes a lifestyle due to an inability to distinguish between real and false guilt. And when that happens, it robs a person of living in the present because of something they’ve done or someone they’ve harmed in the past. 

Here are eight questions to ask yourself to help determine if you are dealing with real guilt or false guilt.

1.    Is my guilt based on facts or assumptions? It's easier to make assumptions than to determine facts, but the latter is necessary to know how to move forward. Just look at the facts. If you don't think you are able to be objective, find someone with whom you can talk it through. 

2.    Am I feeling guilty for saying 'no' to someone? No. It's a complete sentence. It's okay to tell someone else no. Set boundaries and stick by them. You're the only one that can do that. 

3.    Does this guilt push me to improve or just make me feel worse? If you did something wrong, it should motivate you to improve, make things right where you can, and change the behavior going forward. Wallowing in the feelings isn't taking action.

4.    Does this guilt really belong to me? Don't take on other's guilt. The more empathetic among us can easily take on guilt that simply doesn't belong to them. It's vital to your peace of mind to know the difference. 

5.    Did I actually harm another person? Be careful here because it's easy to think if they don't know about it, then it's okay. If your actions cause or can cause physical pain or emotional damage, then there's the answer. 

6.    Is this guilt from trying to please someone else? Actual guilt comes when we violate our values, do an end run around our ethics, or play loose with the law—but just falling short of another's expectations? Not so much.

7.    Am I just feeling guilty for something that's actually out of my control? Taking responsibility for what you say and do is imperative. But taking responsibility for something that's outside of your control can be maddening. 

8.    Does this guilt come from a one-time mistake or a pattern of behavior? Only you can answer that, but it's essential to do so. Falling into a pattern means the action is now habitual. It's time to address it and let the guilt drive you to a different decision. 

Making the distinction between true and false guilt is necessary to have healthy relationships and peace of mind. Asking and answering these questions can help you channel true guilt into growth.